The Heart of Unschooling: Q & A

What is unschooling? 

Unschooling is a method of homeschooling, legal anywhere one can homeschool, that is based on two basic premises: 1. Trust in the child's innate curiosity and ability to learn what they need when they need it and 2. Totally non-coercive or non-forced learning. Unschooling is attachment parenting for older kids.

Your baby, toddler, or preschooler learns to sit, crawl, walk, talk, feed herself, use the toilet, count, recognize colors, and many other skills without any formal instruction, just by living life and being in relationship with you. And no two kids before school, the same age, will know exactly the same things. They learn when they need the knowledge. In the same way, an unschooled child learns everything they need to know, when they need to know it, by living life and being in relaionship with you and others. 

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Why do we unschool? 

We've always been curious, whole-life learners. When Helena was an infant and toddler I was always talking to her about life, about things around us, about what I was doing. That's never stopped.

In the early days of homeschooling we did some Waldorf curriculum together, and we both enjoyed it. But I never followed any curriculum fully - or even close to fully - because, even then, I could see it would get in the way of living and learning from real life. We tried worksheets on a few occasionas, but neither of us cared for them. We tried a phonics program for Helena's dyslexia, but that ended up being a nighmare (see dyslexia posts for our journey and what's worked for us). 

From day one, most of what I reported on the required NYS quarerly homeschool reports was real life learning! We visited farms, went to sheep shearings, made maple syrup, learned primitive skills at wilderness school, read and watched Little House, explored Native American stories and history - and put it all down as social studies/history. We read about diverse ways of celebrating holidays worldwide - more history. We planted gardens, observed seasons and the circle of life, read books about animals, tracked animals, and observed them outdoors - and recorded it all as science. 

We crossed over into total unschooling around 4th grade. The Waldorf things we were doing were beginning to bore Helena and feel artificial without a group to do them with. And, frankly, it was getting in the way of learning from real life. 

​What do I love most about unschooling? 

We both love unschooling because it could be summed up as one grand life adventure of living in relationship, exploring our world together, and making our dreams come true!! 

How do you know your kid is really learning without tests?

How did you know your kid could walk or talk? You knew because you are with them, because you're in relationship with them! Similarly, you'll know what your school age child knows because you are in relationship with them. Have conversations. Make it a practice from infancy on to talk to your child as you'd talk to an adult. Do your critical thinking out loud. Comment on things... they'll quickly learn to question, comment, and discourse with you! Most importantly, they'll learn critical thinking skills that curriculums can't really teach.

What about states that require homeschoolers to test?

I'm in NYS, which is one of the strictest in the nation regarding homeschool requirements. We turn in an annual plan and 4 quarterly reports, and we have to test biannually in grades 5-8 and annually in high school. 

The annual plan and quarterlies are no big deal. You just learn to translate real life into academic and subject-based terminology. 

Testing? Helena did her 5th grade test last year. We did the CAT test, California Achievement Test. It's a test of basic ELA -English Lang. Arts - and math skills. She scored 7th-11th grade on all sections. (Updated to add, she's completed 9th grade now and continues to perform well on the CAT test.)

I will say that while I do not force any learning activity, I am much more intentional than many unschoolers in making sure she comes across info I know she'll need on the tests. For example, we've done MadLibs to learn parts of speech, or we've read funny library books like Greedy Apostrophe. 

But many unschoolers just don't worry about the scores since you only have to get 33rd percentile to pass - meaning that you can pass by scoring lower than 67% of the kids the test was normed on. 

All that to say that you can unschool no matter how strict your state's requirements are. Just get in touch with other unschoolers in your state and they'll help you out. 

Won't people think I'm crazy for unschooling?

Maybe. Maybe not. It's all in how you present it. Personally, I think using language people can understand is a helpful means of communication and kindness. So I don't tell the state/school district we unschool. We use the word "homeschool" with the general public. 

And it's helpful if your kids can tell Grandma or others "Hey, I have been studying Colonial hisory and primitive skills. We've been reading Little House and we visited a farm and watched them do sheep shearing." Kids love to learn a few new terms that make them feel smart and sound smart to others. Others like to know your kid is still learning and appreciate language they can relate to. 

It's also helpful if your kid knows what subjects are learned in school, knows that building in Minecraft or measuring things are forms of math, knows what PE and recess are, and so on. And please make sure your child knows what grade they are in! I know... some unschoolers don't like that term because it's a "school" term. But it really goes a long way to helping your child relate to the general public. Just assign whatever grade generally goes with that age even if you don't do any of the learning typical for that grade. 

If you want to be so countercultural that you don't relate to broader culture, then don't be surprised if people think you're crazy. Ok with using some academic language? Then people will find you very relatable :) 

What role do parents play in unschooling?

Some people say unschooling is MORE work not less for parents than using a curriculum. In any case, it's relationship based. You are on your child's team helping them to explore their world, find and pursue their interests, and meet their goals! 

What does this really look like? "Strewing" is a word many unschoolers use. The parent(s) strew the child's path with a zillion different learning opportunitis. It's up to the child to choose which to explore and how deeply and how long to explore them. 

Examples: When Helena was little I had an alphabet puzzle around. I'm always talking to her about things in real life, not expecting that "this knowledge is for 7th grade" or "this is adult stuff". I showed her the difference between crinkly onion skins and bumpy oranges when she grocery shopped with me at 6 months, and we've never stopped exploring the world around us and talking about it. Now, I suggest ideas to her, brainstorm with her, pass along videos I think she'd like, find books she'd enjoy, read with her, help her with her website, find interesting political posts/videos/events and on and on.... I spend a LOT of time both exploring the world and looking for fun resources. I really nerd out on finding fun resources to learn from! :) 

How do unschooled kids learn to read? Don't they need phonics worksheets or something?

Unschooled kids learn to read in a variety of ways and at a variety of times, some at age 4, some not until age 10 or so. Most learn around "average" ages of 6 or 7. Many learn by playing video games. Others ask mom or dad for help and are shown what letters say and helped to sound out simple words. Some learn by asking how to spell words to make lists. Some parents buy and read simple phonics readers with their child because the child has asked to learn and wants to be shown. 

Can unschoolers do worksheets or use curriculum or take classes?

If the child wants to, sure! Most people prefer learning from real life though. If you, as an adult, want to learn something what do you do? You might buy a textbook or take a class, but you'll probably first Google it, read books, have a friend share a skill with you, or use other means of learning through real life. Most adults don't read a textbook and take a quiz to learn something. Helena used a textbook for some biology and has chosen a sort of textbook for astronomy for her 10th grade science. Crash Course videos are much more popular with her than books though.

Won't my child just slack off without the discipline of curriculum and routine?

If your child has been in school and learned that learning is an onerous chore, then probably they will need a lengthy period of "deschooling" where they can just chill out and do seemingly "nothing". "Deschooling" is a really important process for parents too, by the way. Most parents need to read, listen, learn, and change their paradigms about learning and schooling.

One of the premises of unschooling is that it's pretty impossible to NOT learn. Personally, I think learning happens best when parents and kids approach life together as an adventure, try out lots of new things, visit places, read together, watch things together - spend lots of together time. But some unschoolers would argue that a child playing video games and watching YouTube all day everyday is still learning. And while I'm not personally fond of anything that keeps any human being sedentary all day (even reading all day everyday) I do know there are many unschoolers for whom this has worked. They're now happy and successfully employed adults. 

Kids who have never gone to school seem to not lose the natural curiosity and delight in exploring the world that toddlers and preschoolers have. Just today Helena, age 11, asked me "Mom, how is olive oil made?" so we'll be googling that on a little later and probably watching a YouTube video or two. 

Can I unschool just some subjects and not others?

You can do whatever you like of course, BUT if any learning is forced than you're really NOT unschooling. That would be more eclectic homeschooling. And that's ok too if it works for all of you. 

How do unschoolers learn math?

Math is everywhere, or so I'm told. As someone who is far more adept with words than numbers this one is a bit more challenging for me to explain. We tend to see math as problems on paper, but math is ever so much more. And kids learn it by price comparing in the store with you, dividing things up fairly amongst friends, playing video games, sorting, counting, building in real life and Minecraft, and many other ways. Helena has really enjoyed watching the humorous math antics . com videos; playing Dragon Box, an app that teaches algebraic equations beginning with images and no numbers; playing Prodigy math a wizard quest game where you do math problems to battle villains; reading funny math library books with me; finding acute, obtuse, and right angles on buildings while driving; playing mental math games together; developing a business; saving and spending money; and more. 

The thing to remember is that long division is really tricky when you learn it at age 7 in public school BUT very easy when you learn it at age 10 or 11. Many unschooled kids report learning all of high school math in a few short months in their late teens - because they want to learn it and need it for college then. When one is motivated to learn a skill and developmentally ready to learn, learning comes easily.

Edited - as a mid/late high schooler this year (we're doing combined 10th/11th this year), Helena's chosen to work with a tutor once weekly, mostly so she feels confident on our state's testing requirement but also because she wants to know a bit about algebra, geometry (she loves it), and business math. 

Unschooling sounds great in theory, but does it really work in the real world?

Yes, it very much does! Dr. Peter Grey has researched and written extensively on unschooling and the outcomes of unschooling. It's pretty amazing! As adults, unschoolers get into their top choices of colleges. More than the average population go into arts or tech careers, and more than average are self-employed entrepeneurs. 

But the beautiful thing about unschooling is that kids don't have to wait to grow up to begin living their passions. Many unschooled kids find what they are passionate about and pursue it long before adulthood. It's not uncommon for them to learn other "subjects" such as writing, math, research skills, history, and science by delving deeply into one "subject" that they are passionate about - be that Medieval armor or baking or art or animals. 

My 11 year old Helena has been crazy about animals since infancy. Much of our learning over the years has in some way included animals, and at present she's been developing a website and business around animal herbalism.

Updated to add... in 9th grade she's pursuing a career in art via digital animation/video game design.... Updated again to add, she's decided digital art/video game design would require her to be too sedentary and is planning to go into real estate sales and investments with plans of creating passive income and an early retirement... She also wants to continue to write poetry and see where that leads.

Your kid might change their mind 101 times but the learning that happens in each phase is really amazing! 

But how do unschooled kids learn discipline? 

I admit. I wondered this at first as well. But frankly we're brain washed into thinking that we need to be miserable, that it's somehow good for us to suffer and do things we detest in order to build character. Charcter building, should, in my opinion, arise from what we love not what we hate.

Unschooled kids learn discipline out of love not misery. If you love having a business you do the paperwork you hate in order to facilitate what you love. Or you hire/barter with someone who loves paperwork to do it for you. One of the outcomes of unschooling discovered by Dr. Grey was that unschoolers report greater happiness and job satisfaction as adults. Unschooling is a lifestyle of following one's heart, knowing HOW to learn, being life long learners, and knowing how to make one's dreams a reality. Persistence and discipline become natural parts of all of that. 

Personally, I emphasize to Helena that freedom is a powerful thing, that she has the power to create and shape her own life, and that some planning is helpful to ensure that we are not drifting but accomplishing what we want. We set goals together, seek out opportunities together, write things in our calendars together. We talk about how so many people have their lives planned out for them and how amazing it is that we get to make these choics ourselves. Is that a normal unschooling conversation? Probably not, but it is for us.

But doesn't everyone need to be prepared for the drudgery of employment?

No way! As unschoolers we believe in following our hearts, creating work we love, doing work we love. People work in jobs they hate only because someone else has dictated what they "should" be doing to them for most of their lives and/or because they've never had the time, assistance, opportunity to build a career doing what they love. We question these paradigms. Working for someone else is great only *if* it's work you love and want to do. Helena and I talk about the perceived security of a job - how working for someone else seems to provide a set income, insurance, and paid vacations - but how you can lose all of that in an instant from a lay off or being fired. We talk about how, when you work for yourself, you might not have set paychecks, but you can create multiple streams of income. If you lose one stream of income you don't lose your entire livelihood, lose your house, or have to move across the nation for a new job. We talk about making informed choices in all of this. These conversations are not ones I've seen other unschoolers having, but they are part of the paradigm for us. 

What is radical unschooling or whole-life unschooling?

Radical unschooling is taking the idea that you can trust your child to learn and extending it to full trust in your child's eating choices, sleep choices, media choices, and other choices. 

More questions about unschooling? Ask away! Also, Unschooling Mom to Mom is a great FB page to learn from! Personally, I've found some other unschooling pages to not be as friendly toward people just exploring and learning, though still very inspirational.